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life, politics

DOMA and Prop8 struck down!

pride flag - courtsI don’t normally hijack my blog for political things because honestly? I’m a (very left of) liberal woman – which most people already know – and I make no bones about it. I hate dealing with the “you’re wrong, get your facts straight” comments that the few political posts I’ve made in the past have garnered. Not because I can’t take the heat, but because this isn’t that kind of blog. I just cannot, however let this day pass without saying something about the Supreme Court ruling on DOMA and Prop8. I’m pretty sure someone would take away both my queer and writer membership cards if I did. (What, you didn’t know we had membership cards?)

About ninety-five percent of the time, I’m an optimist about life and people. I think good wins over evil in the end and that love conquers, well, not everything but quite a lot. I live my life quietly and (mostly) happily with writing and tv/movies and career goals and friends and family. Politics don’t have a huge bearing on my day-to-day and rarely do I have the mindset of being oppressed. (Let’s skip over the major lack of female writers in H’wood for now – that’s a whole ‘nother post)

One of the few places in my life that I’m not an optimist is politics and being LGBTQ. Not because I think that the majority of people have a problem with the LGBTQ community, but because the minority who do are so damn loud. They scream hate and superiority so consistently that the (mostly) reasonable majority get swayed. The extremists slam the airwaves and churches and televisions with ads and homilies about how being GLBTQ is wrong and unnatural that the (mostly) reasonable majority forget about the cousin or neighbor or teacher or cop they know who’s been in a loving relationship for ten or twenty years.

When Prop8 passed, I wasn’t even surprised, let alone shocked. I was pissed, but not surprised. People think that CA = H’wood and San Fran, but it doesn’t. Despite being a predominantly democratic state, California is pretty conservative, believe it or not. Outside of the big cites is farm country and there’s a heckuva lot more people there and in the (rich / well-to-do) suburbs, than in the cities alone.

When the Supreme Court took Prop8 and DOMA on the docket and everyone was so very excited, I was… cautiously optimistic. I’ve used the red = equality icon on facebook almost since the moment it was created, but didn’t really let myself think that it would happen. This was, after all, the Supreme Court. It was a distinct possibility that they wouldn’t even decide on the matter, let alone rule in favor of tearing down DOMA and Prop8.

Time passed and that annoyingly bright red icon remained on my facebook. I had a couple of people ask me to remove it, the red was so painful, but I didn’t. Despite my determined pessimism in this particular part of my life, a little kernel of hope was still present and waiting to pop.

Finally, we heard that the Court would do their thing this week.

Monday came and nothing.

Tuesday came and nothing, but Wednesday promised to be the day. I told a friend, “I’m going to be either really happy, or really pissed tomorrow.” And really? I was betting on the latter. I just did not want to get my hopes up any further.

I woke up on Wednesday – this morning – and found out about the decision and honestly couldn’t believe it. It took a few hours to really sink in. If I meet the woman of my dreams now, we can get married and be legitimate in the eyes of the law. For people who have had that right all along, and those who think it’s no big deal whether you’re married or not to your Significant Other, it’s impossible to make you understand what this feels like. Sure, I’d have moved in with the love of my life and we’d have had a private ceremony with friends and family, and we’d have called each other wife even without that sanction, but to have it? You honestly just don’t know the kind of soul-deep relief that entails. If I was a better writer, I could convey it to you. All I can say is that when I think about it too long, I start to cry – with happiness and relief and vindication – and those who know me, know that I never cry.

(I just had to stop and drink some water because I started crying again)

I can honestly say I’ve never been so desperately happy to be proven wrong and that my little kernel of hope has exploded. The last few months have shown me that times really are changing. It’s okay to be optimistic that maybe, in my lifetime, being GLBTQ will lose every stigma associated therein throughout the world and kids growing up now and in the future will look back at history and ask, “What the hell was wrong with you people?”

Thank you to everyone who has fought so long and hard for marriage equality. And thank you, Supreme Court, for recognizing us as you have and deciding how you did. The fight for GLBTQ rights (oh btw, did you know that in 29 states, you can be fired or evicted just because you’re LGBTQ?) continues, but this queer woman now has hope that we can win.


We now return you to the frivolity that is the majority of my life.

(PS – the original pic in this post came from “It’s Okay to be Takei” on facebook and I didn’t see a photographer credit to use)

(PPS – It’s been several hours now and, while the tears have stopped, the big ass grin on my face hasn’t… and likely won’t for quite some time to come.)


About Nancy M. Griffis

Author and screenwriter who loves scifi/action/adventure/urban fantasy genres. I have two published novels, Mind Games and Eternal Investigations, as well as a short story published for charity called "Home Fires Burning." All are available through amazon.com and barnesandnobles.com.


3 thoughts on “DOMA and Prop8 struck down!

  1. This is truly a great day and a long time coming! I was getting teary reading your post. Sadly there is still a lot of hate out there, but this gives me hope as well.

    Posted by Cindy Young-Turner | June 27, 2013, 2:42 am
  2. This is a great post — I totally agree with the sentiment, but I feel like I should add that I think you expressed yourself wonderfully. You write “If I was a better writer, I could convey it to you” but you also wrote “but to have it? You honestly just don’t know the kind of soul-deep relief that entails” and “my little kernel of hope has exploded”, which are incredibly evocative images.

    I firmly believe that “the arc of history is long but it bends toward justice”, but I too struggle to remain optimistic, in the short term — as a society, we’re so inclined to believe that we’re more forward thinking and progressive than we are: as you point out, it’s still legal “in 29 states, [to] be fired or evicted just because you’re LGBTQ”. It’s also legal to beat children in schools in something like 19 states of the US; there are people unwilling to deal with the realities of climate change as the world is destroyed around them — I could go on, and I’m sure you could, too. And the US is not alone in this. But my larger point is that there really are days when justice wins out, and we should use them in as a shield against the creeping cynicism that change is impossible, or won’t happen in our lifetime.

    “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” (Margaret Mead)

    Posted by Molly Church | July 1, 2013, 9:09 pm

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Nancy at the Tim Burton exhibit in L.A.

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